Thanksgiving is a day that forces you to face your depression head on. It is a day (or weekend) when we are supposed to take a step back and reflect on the blessings in our lives. When you are depressed you tend not to recognize the blessing in your life or may even see them as burdens.
For me a big part of my own self care is to try to find time to "give thanks" everyday. To recognize the positive things in my life. This is a lot harder then it sounds.
Part of my prayer life for years has been to thank god for the blessings in my life- I try my best to do this before any request, supplication or meditation. I mean its just good manners to thank the creator for its goodness before asking for something right?
What I am realizing though is that most of the time I don't think I really deserve the blessings that I have received and that is the tricky part of thanksgiving for me. Often if find myself feeling guilty for the blessings in my life - that I don't deserve them. Or worse still I get caught in the spiral of "if I have all these wonderful things in my life why do I feel so empty? Why can't I enjoy them? What's wrong with me?
Those are the thoughts that I have to identify and eradicate- and I know it's not going to be easy. I have to convince myself that my depression is an illness- not a sign that I am ungrateful- not another character flaw.
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